The Mole Hole, High St, Gravesend

Holy Moly presents Vogon Poetry Slam

Have you ever thought that somewhere, deep inside you, lay an absolutely terrible poem? Well, now’s your chance to find out! Thanks to Gravesham Fringe Festival we have £50 cash (and a coveted trophy) for the performer of the worst poem of the night.

Sign up on the day, or just come along to “enjoy” the event. Entry is free, but you can support us via Eventbrite.

THE RULES

1: Contestants will have a maximum of two minutes, including any introductory preamble. We limit time to avoid unnecessary psychic injury. You will be gonged off if you exceed this.

2: No -isms and no -phobias. For example, sexist poems are extra bad because they’re sexist, but we don’t want that kind of badness! Be more creative, please. You may be ideologically repugnant if you wish – perhaps a sonnet on the loveliness of Donald Trump – but not at the expense of minority groups. We are here to have fun (though hopefully we will not actually be enjoying ourselves).

3: The winner will be chosen by an obtuse and unreliable process, probably involving the audience.

4: Using ChatGPT will almost certainly make your poetry worse, so from one point of view we encourage it. On the other hand, we would prefer the human touch so evident in true dross.